My lady and I have been doing married life for 58 days now. We're young-ins. Just today an old sales-woman asked if we were shopping for homecoming. Homecoming? Lisa took it as a compliment. I not so much.
Time to grow a mustache and hit the weights.
During these 58 days (and the 8 months prior), I've learned things that have evaded my brain for 22 years prior. I put together a collection of vocabulary words that I have learned thanks to my wife.
For you women, laugh away.
But for you single gents, I pass my wisdom onto you. Now go sweep a young maiden off her little feet.
PETTICOAT,
noun:
An underskirt usually a little shorter than outer clothing and often made with a ruffled, pleated, or lace edge. (The layers of fluffy lace stuff that makes dresses poof out. The style was invented in 1908 by lobbyist at Gold Bond.)
TRIVET,
noun:
A usually metal stand with short feet for use under a hot dish. (Yup. There is actually a name for those things.)
PAISLEY,
adjective: A design or print of fabric characterized by curved abstract figures. (The black tie I wore in my wedding had a hint a paisley action. I'm sure everyone noticed.)
"EVERYDAY" CHINA,
noun: A sibling of the more well-known and useless breed of dishware. To be used
everyday, thereby increasing practicality. (Frequently found habitating on wedding registries across the country.)
YANKEE CANDLE,
noun: The largest U.S. manufacturer of scented candles. (Buy your wife one of these $23 bad boys and see what happens! I know what happens, and $23 is still a load of money for a jar of wax.)
PAMPERED CHEF,
noun: The
Mary Kay of kitchen gadgets, minus the pink Cadillacs.
RAFFIA,
noun :
The fiber of the raffia palm used especially as cord for tying and weaving. (Making wrapping paper feel inadequate since 1453.)
